Posted by: xph03nix | July 31, 2011

good times roll with the bad…

To be honest I don’t even know what I’ve been doing since my last post. I think I’ve probably had about 2 shifts at work. I was meant to have more but Kath put me down to work 2 shifts in the week which I had already booked off, so I ended up with very little hours last week. Anna came down on Tuesday which was lovely, I got my hair done and looked splendid for the occasion. We did a bit of shopping and then came home to enjoy a delicious roast dinner by Jim. Then he had to go to work so we went out with Alex. Ended up going to Wetherspoons for a couple bottles of wine, then on to Temptations, the strip club up the road. Our first ever strip club, and it was quite interesting. I found the women quite sexy, with their gorgeous curves, but Alex couldn’t get over the fact that they were doing it for money. Oh well! We then went to Stanley Casino, punted Ā£1 and… that’s the last I remember of that night. Apparently we went to Flares and danced the night away before passing out in our hotel room. Alex got a taxi home, don’t worry šŸ˜›

Wednesday was a full-on hangover day with breakfast in the pub, a walk around the gorgeous Barbican up to the Hoe to spend some time staring out to the sea, it truly was a beautiful day. The sun was sparkling off the waves, the grass was green as anything, dogs were out playing all over the place and it was so nice to spend some time just soaking it up with a good friend, having a chat and a bitch about things we’ve missed out on over the months. We woke Jim up at 2pm and drove over to Burgh Island, sat on the sand spit between the island and the mainland for an hour and soaked up the sun, though I was looking a little too pink by this point. It was so special to spend time whiling away the hours like this. We took Anna to dinner at the China House after, which has gone rather down-hill in the service stakes but the food was still good. Had an early night after before driving back to Gloucester on Thursday.
My brother had a BBQ at home and my parents came over with Barney for it, but Barns was shattered, poor pup. Tried to have an early night but a friend decided to be a little bit silly and we were kept up most of the night by friends keeping tabs on him. Luckily I think he got the help he needed in time and we’re hoping things are going to improve for him ā¤

Friday was the big party. It was awesome. It was my grandfathers 80th birthday and he took the whole family out for dinner to a posh restaurant in Ross on Wye. It was gorgeous. We all got our glad rags on and my aunt, uncle and cousins came up to stay too. 13 of us in total enjoying Pimms and canapes in the gorgeous garden, followed by medium-rare Lamb Chump with sweetcorn pancakes, potato confit, asparagus, pak choi and garlic crisps (surprisingly good, considering I hate lamb!), then a black forest gateau with local cherries and vodka chase, a cheese board and port, and coffee to finish. And lots of wine inbetween. Bloody beautiful. It was really good to catch up with all of my mums side of the family, too, especially as my cousins are growing up now and beginning to go their own ways too. The problem came when B and Emma decided it was a good idea to go to their local once the bus had dropped us back off in Huntley. Big oops. Apparently the 3 extra wines we had were not the best idea, or so my stomach told me the next day. We ended up having a lock in and played the cereal box game – you have to lean down and pick it up with your teeth without falling over or using your hands, then you peel off a layer and try again. I made it to the last 3 but I think to Emma's sadness, Jim finally won, and he has his beermat and celebratory note behind the bar until next week. I know we're now all feeling a little bit sore in the legs for our ventures :/

However we had to be up and cheerful on Saturday as Mum and Dad had put on a BBQ for all 13 of us which was lovely, though I was hanging quite a bit and couldn't eat much. She'd made some awesome cakes for Pum, with a big '80' in fruit cake and icing, as well as sponges with big blue iced dollops on top that looked so cool, and were uber yummy šŸ˜€ We played board games and wore Barney out with so many people being around, and then that was about the last of the good times in my life atm.

We drove back yesterday afternoon, left just before 5 but didn't get here til just after 9 as I had to stop for an hour and a half just after Bristol to sleep, I was shattered. Jim started work at 10 and I was going to apply for jobs but got chatting to Alex and played Trivial Pursuits and watched music videos til 1. Oops.

I found out that this week I have 3 hours of work on Wednesday night and then 4 on Saturday. However, once again, I am not in Plymouth next weekend, so it's a bit hard to do that shift, and pretty bloody annoying considering I reminded my manager last week of the fact I'm not here. So I am only doing 3 hours of work this week. A measly Ā£17.79 in the bank. And I think I even pay tax on that because I'm still (for some ridiculous reason?!) on emergency tax. So frankly, I'm fucked. I cannot pay my bills, I cannot save money for our mortgage. I cannot do fucking anything, and I am stressed. I am depressed. I am bloody worried, and it's not helping me get any motivation to find anything else. I'd rather just be in some shit mood and wonder how crap everything is at the moment. It's easier. However, I am sat here in the middle of writing job letters. The problem is that these jobs don't exist – I have found a few places that are looking for managers, but I have little to no experience in that role. I have been assistant manager, yes, but that's not enough. I need to have a lot of experience. So I'm trying to write to people to encourage them that I am the right person to join their team and that they should train me in management so I'll be exactly what they want. But it's hard, when even I can't see that I can be good at my job anymore. I'm in a complete rut, and I'm scared.

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