Posted by: xph03nix | January 13, 2012

tonights the kind of night…

I made the mistake of going to work earlier to find out next weeks shifts. I should say, shift. I have one. on Wednesday. gutted. ive even booked off a week starting the Wednesday after that to go to kent so im doing like 3 shifts in a whole freaking month. argh.

I have since had one of those evenings where u really don’t wanna do anything at all. i spent the first two hours literally just staring at nothing in a kind of silent panic. how do u pay the bills with three shifts a month?! I’m scared.

eventually this kind of useless depressed pit I was in turned itself around. strange how that happens. at first I became kind of lethargically active and began on a friends baby blanket, and when my mind was done with that (with it being about a third finished – winner) I put the laundry away and made a list of things to do tomorrow. I hope I’m still in this weird half-active-half-not here mood. it’s easier to do things this way I think. I mean, my jobs list involves things like painting my nails and sorting out the sock drawer. lame things. but at least at the end of the day I can look at it and feel like ive achieved something, no matter how small.

sometimes I think that’s all you need in life to keep you hopeful and pleased. a list, with something crossed out on it.

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